I started the Master Key with a BANG and then decided to take a last-minute trip to Barcelona with a friend. It was a last-minute decision to jump on a Travelocity deal and head to Spain, a country that I have wanted to visit for quite some time.
It almost seems like a dream now that I am back. Like a momentary lapse of reason and now I’m just back to reality. I like my reality. I love my kids and am happy about what I have been able to provide for them. They enjoy a good life, beautiful home, great schools and pretty much whatever they desire.
The issue is with me. The trip away was proof that I have the ability and resources to do what I want to do. I have certainly earned it. But upon return… i felt the same old sluggishness to participate in my job, jump out of bed or seize the day. Clearly, I am either depressed or simply functioning in a lifestyle that has become mundane because, as Les Brown says, I am working just hard enough to not get fired and they pay me just enough for me to not leave. I celebrate that I have over 10 years with Novo Nordisk. I have NEVER kept a job this long. But I know I am there due to “golden handcuffs” and FEAR.
When I was younger I took risks. I left good jobs to go do something fun like work at a hotel, run high-end events for very little money, thrive in the hospitality industry in DC. But after children, after you become responsible for another life, you start making decisions because you feel you HAVE to. And it is here that I am currently stuck.
I know I have it in me to be great. The feeling I got from the founders of Live Green when I joined that company…the accolades they gave me…the initial success of my affiliate lifestyle…was like the best drug ever created. I have always wanted THAT feeling.
So, the company was not quite ready to RUN toward success. I have continued with pharmaceuticals because it is the “right thing to do”. But now that I have laid around for a few months, felt depressed and decided to get off my ass and go to Barcelona; I know that I need excitement and change and a future to look forward to.
Writing my DMP was not hard. Getting it back and editing it will be the tough part. I know what I think I want…but now it is time to refine that and to make steps toward that ultimate goal. What a long, strange trip. Toward freedom and happiness.
here we go